Why You Keep Going Back Again and Again to a Friend That Hurts You
Can’t Leave a Toxic Friendship
Do you ever wonder why you gravitate toward a friend who has consistently hurt you, yet you keep going back for more? Ideally, you should spend your time with people who care about you and encourage you, not those who put you down and cause problems in your life.
Sometimes a friendship will be so difficult to leave that you’ll be putting up with your friend’s bad behavior for years. Why do you do this? And more importantly, how do you stop it? Here are some thoughts.
You Keep Thinking Things Are Going to Be Different Next Time
Chances are that sometimes you’ll have a good time with your toxic friend. You’ll enjoy his or her company, so when they have a major blow up or put you down suddenly, you shake it off thinking that next time will be different.
The problem with toxic friends is that you are unable to communicate reasonably with them. Whereas you’d probably tell a friend, « Hey, that hurt my feelings » and they would apologize and you’d both move on, you can’t do that in a toxic friendship because your friend just won’t hear it. Maybe they’re a bully, maybe they can’t listen to criticism, or maybe they are just unable to have a conversation that isn’t about them.
Your assumption might be that even if you don’t discuss the situation, your toxic friend will feel sorry for acting badly and want to do better. But this thinking is flawed because it’s based on what you would do. You can’t change the behavior of others.
You Think Your Friend Is Just Crabby, Kidding, or Having a Bad Day
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, « They couldn’t really mean that, could they? » and then went on to justify it with thoughts that your friend must be joking or just having a really rotten day, pay attention. Read more